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I labored for over 32 hours before Julian was born, with 8 hours of prodromal labor the night before. It wasn’t the birth I had planned. His little hand was tucked by his face, a nuchal hand, which likely made my labor so long and intense. For the last couple of weeks, I have replayed everything in my mind, wondering what I could have done differently to stay home. But what I hadn’t considered was the other what if. What if I had stayed home, but it wasn’t the redemptive experience I was hoping for? The truth is, the what ifs go both ways. And if you keep chasing them, it becomes a never ending cycle. That’s been hard for me, because I’m someone who likes answers. I want to understand why things happened the way they did, and what might have been different. But with birth, there’s no way to ever really know. Healing means holding space for both the ache and the gratitude. For what was, and for what could have been. I’m finally ready to write my birth story, and I can’t wait to share it soon. 🤍 #birthstory #homebirth #birthhealing #nuchalhand #birthtrauma

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Audio Details

Track: Originalton
Artist: Maddie✰